“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” – Johnny Carson
“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Author Unknown
“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge
“There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.” – P.J. O’Rourke
“Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of a duck call.” – Richard Lewis
“This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That’s it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.” – Anthony Jeselnik
“People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about is what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.” – Author Unknown
“As we struggle with shopping lists and invitations, compounded by December’s bad weather, it is good to be reminded that there are people in our lives who are worth this aggravation, and people to whom we are worth the same.” — Donald Westlake
“One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.” – Louis C.K.
“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” – Jay Leno
Contact me at 303-324-0014 or kristi@
