As an Upholder (me), Questioners (people I may be married to) can drive me bonkers.
My attitude toward tasks and decisions is, “Get the information from an expert (maybe two) and do it already.” I don’t tend to ask why, if it can be done better. I just want to cross tasks off my list and move on. This can lead to rushed choices.
A Questioner is more like, “Get some information from an expert, ask the expert 10 questions about why they came to those conclusions, look up some information on the internet, ask the guy sitting next to him on the bus, come to a decision, start to act on the decision, question my decision, talk to three more people about it, and then finally finish the task.” *
Questioners will easily meet expectations that they believe are justified and necessary. But they don’t get there on blind faith. They need to know more. Always more. They don’t act on advice or tasks they think are arbitrary, ill-reasoned, badly informed or ineffective.
Questioners can make great co-workers because they don’t just accept the way things have always been done. If there is a better way, they will question their way to it, and everyone can benefit.
As a financial adviser, I need to make room for patience and the extra time it takes to work with Questioners. Investment advice is not taken at face value just because I say so. A Questioner will want to know about my research methods, experience, software, or other tools I’m using to give advice.
Also, as an Upholder, I used to take a Questioner’s barrage of questions to mean my advice isn’t trustworthy. Instead of interpreting the questions as being an attack on my competence, I need to welcome the queries as the way a Questioner client is engaging in the process.
For this reason, goals I thought might take an hour of meetings may take two or three. The conversation is necessarily longer. As an Upholder, I worry about taking too much of a client’s time and money. But with a Questioner, I should let that go and make sure he/she is getting all of the information needed to make financial improvements that will stick.
And next week we finish up with Rebels!
*The Upholder spouse is standing to the side, tapping her foot, and gritting her teeth. Or possibly screaming at the Questioner. Maybe that has happened.
