A truism about social norms in America is that people would much rather talk about their uterine fibroids with perfect strangers than discuss money with those closest to them. Here are three quick tips and three pitfalls to avoid when talking about money with your honey.
Schedule Regular Money Talks
- Set aside time regularly, maybe once a month, to discuss finances. It’s easier to talk when it’s a planned discussion rather than a response to a crisis or bill. And for the sake of all that’s holy, don’t call it a “date!” Dates should be fun, not financial.
Be Transparent and Honest
- Transparency about income, debts, and financial goals is key to creating a joint financial strategy that works for both of you. Also, be open about past money traumas or biases you bring from your growing up years. This can help with understanding and avoiding conflict.
Focus on Shared Goals
- Align your financial discussions around mutual goals like buying a house, saving for a vacation, or planning for retirement. This shifts the conversation from “me vs. you” to “us against the problem,” fostering teamwork and cooperation.
And, the Don’ts:
Avoid Blame and Judgment
- Money conversations can quickly turn sour if they become accusatory. If your partner has made financial mistakes, focus on finding solutions together rather than assigning blame. Judgment can create defensiveness and shut down open communication.
Don’t Make Assumptions
- Assuming you know your partner’s financial habits or goals can lead to misunderstandings. Ask questions and listen to their perspectives. Even if you’ve been together for years, their financial views might have evolved, so it’s essential to stay updated.
Ignoring Emotions
- Money is a deeply emotional topic for many people. Ignoring the emotional aspect of financial discussions can lead to unresolved tensions. Acknowledge how financial decisions make both of you feel, and be empathetic to your partner’s emotional responses.
If you haven’t had success with financial conversations in the past, don’t give up. I’ve had many couples tell me that with practice, money arguments have evolved into another way of strengthening their partnership.
A meeting with a financial advisor is a great way to bring in an objective third party to help couples make plans to achieve their goals. While not actual therapists, financial planners have navigated a lot of emotions about money. We can be a good resource to make money discussions about the goals, not the faults of your partner.
